Life is still beautiful

Life is still beautiful

I want to thank to CHP and all people I have met since I joined the project. Since then I feel there are many more interesting things in my life. I have more friends. When I know about their circumstance, I feel happy when they are happy. Before I joined the project, my life was difficult and it was the reason for my bad temper. At night, when I thought about my life, I felt so inferior complex because many of my friends had children while I was still alone. Every day, I repeated the same thing: going to bed early after work. The more I thought, the more I felt complex.

Before I was indulged in drug, I used to be a young ambitious man. I was not smart but I was very good at imitation. I could do everything when I had a glance – from cooking to car repair. I was not excellentbut rather good at school. In 1998,I passed the entrance exam and became a student of Ha Noi University of Social Science and Humanity (Social Management Major). Seduction for a student living far from home (together with my infirm will) in a big city knocked me down. I tried drug. In 2001,Ham Yen District Police (Tuyen Quang province (where my family resided) had compulsory test with me and sent me to the Construction work 06 for drug detoxification. In hurry, I still spent time in requesting the school to reserve my school records as I wanted to restart my life.

But the fate was so ironical for me. In February 2002,the District Health Center (DHC) took my blood for HIV test for the 1sttime (together with other 17people in the construction work 06). About 1 month later, the health workers took our blood for the 2nd time but only among 6/18 people including me. With a bad inspiration, after one month of waiting for the result test from DHC without information, I went there and asked them but none of them gave me a precise answer. I wondered that “I was probably infected with HIV”. The thing was temporarily released for a while.Sometime later, I suffered from Herpes Zoster. Again, question came back to me. As I was a student, I often read newspaper. It did not take me much time to decide to flee from the construction work and go to Ha Noi.

I had another HIV test in Bach Mai hospital. The test result was positive. When I hold the test slip in my hand, I felt the sky falling down. I could not believe in that fact. I was disheartened. I did not go back to the construction work 06. I wandered in Ha Noi instead. After one month of fighting with myself in Ha Noi without an escape, I decided to return to the construction work06 to complete my work. At that time, I thought that I lost everything. When I left the construction work, as “a mayfly flying into the fire”, I used drug once more with a thought that“what should I continue to live for when I am dying?”.

I did not know why my parents knew my situation. My father was very sorrowful but he did not say anything. My mother became bony as she felt sorry for me. In 2005 I went to the forest to do farming, but in fact I tried to hide myself from scorning glance from the other people. At that time the people were scared of HIV much more than leprosy. In extremely fear, again, I used drug to forget everything. Then I got severe health problem. I had to stay in the hospital for operation of muscle abscess.

Human beings often desire to live when their life comes to the end. As advised by a friend, I went to Ham Yen DHC to ask about medicines. At that time, my CD4 count was only 47. Late 2008, I was given ARV. My health gradually recovered. I was also counseled how to avoid transmitting HIV to the other people. I wished I had been counseled earlier so that I had not wasted several years of fleeing. In 2009,I opened my car repair/washing workshop. Now whenever I recall that time, it is unimaginable that I had experienced such time. Nowadays, I become more optimistic because I receive sharing with the other people. If I have a wish, I wish IEC activities at that time were as strong as what it is nowadays so that many deaths due to lack of knowledge about drug and HIV could have been avoided.

Since the establishment of the self-help group named Nghi Luc (Energy) (in Ham Yen, Tuyen Quang) in responding to call by CHP with a link to the other people, I feel much more comfortable than before. Moreover, with support by CHP staff, local authority, mass organizations and the community, I feel more self-confident in public. At night, instead of going to bed early, I work on computer for our communication activities. In the day time, when I have leisure time, I also“boast” like many others.

Currently, Nghi Luc group is the place of sharing and psychological support for its members in similar circumstance. Even though my group is not strong enough to undertake great activities, the group members know how to work together in conducting integrated IEC sessions in the community in Tan Dan town and the surrounding areas. After each IEC session, it seems that I am given with more strength when I receive sympathy of the inhabitants in Tan Trung cluster. When I finished my messages, everybody kept quiet. After the IEC session, some people told me that their tear felt down as they felt sorry for me.

I feel very happy because our Nghi Luc group connects many people and provides useful information regarding drug and HIV to the community. I think in the areas where no case of IDUs and PLHA are detected, they should still strengthen IEC activities to help the community in HIV/AIDS prevention. I honestly wish that the less cases of PLHA are referred, the better. For the new HIV cases, my group conducts counseling about drug and HIV/AIDS with all our heart so that they are not declined as what I used to be. I hope I can do many things useful for the society on my last days. 

Thanks CHP for giving me change to share and useful information for us and the community. This is only some words from my heart. They may sound as gentle confidence but only the people who experience it know how terrible it is. Everybody, try your best! Life is still beautiful.

TVH – Nghi Luc group, Ham Yen, Tuyen Quang

(Confidence of a self-help group leader in Tuyen Quang involved in The project “Empowering local civil society to succeed harm reduction initiatives”- HIV/AIDS Asia Regional Program in Viet Nam (HAARP)implemented by CHP in 2012)